O’ Happy Binge

I press my nose through the black metal bars as my fingers cling to them tightly, white with desperation.

“Please!” I cry, my throat catching. “You have to let me through, it’s an emergency.”

The man stares at me, confused by my urgency.

“You don’t understand,” I plead. “You have something I need.”

He walks towards me and peers suspiciously through the bars, points to the clock, then turns away.

“But I need chocolate!”

Pause.

He unlocks the door and quickly ushers me in.

Smart man.

***

I take in each delicious bite. I don’t rush it. I savour… at least for the half a block it takes me to hoover all its cocoa goodness. For there shall be no guilt tripping this time. No mental punishment. I finish it and lick the sticky remains off my fingertips.

It hits every spot.

Except one.

So I unpeel my next treat and continue on my way.

The Fat Fighters Chronicles Part 22

Being a loser has never felt so good.

I lost 800g this week, so I am absolutely about to cream myself in excitement (or was that from the two WW choc bars I just rewarded myself with?). I thought I was doomed for sure after losing the plot on the farm, but it seems getting about on the farm really did agree with me! Who knows, maybe a few bevvies in the sun is all a lass needs to shed those extra kilos?

After this week’s loss I am now 1.1kg from goal weight of 62kg. So. Very. Close.

PS: I love that I ate three Mini Magnums within the space of five minutes and gorged myself on pb&h on toast on two nights and STILL lost.

PPS: I am teaching myself to run! If you see an awkward-looking wannabe athlete in tight-tights with a flabby ass struggling her way down King St in the next coming weeks, please be kind. If you must, honk your horn with the horny garbage collectors. Please don’t throw things to bag out my god-awful running style. It’s like Big Bird on speed. Wearing roller skates. With a wedgie.

PPPS: Yay! 800g!

Working class girl

I am so blissfully happy at this moment.

After spending the weekend getting around a farm outside Crookwell with my boy, his aunt and uncle, it’s fair to say a bit o’ fresh air never hurt anyone. Freed from the overwhelming pace of Sydney (which I go through a fairly dynamic relationship with), I finally relaxed. I mean really relaxed. Took my watch off, left my Fat Fighters journal to crumple in the bottom of my handbag and enjoyed two days of green pastures and sunshine. I ate my fruit and all my vegies, but I also delighted in the culinary delights of your average farmer’s day. Biccies and tea before lunch, an overwhelming amount of delicious meat (gotta love those farmers) and sinking a bevvie or three (VB, what else?) outside in the sun while the pork chops sizzle and the bacon fries up a storm.

This then spilled into the evening as we watched the footy at the local golf club, eating chippies and chocolate. I was as happy as a pig in mud. And I was – for the whole weekend. A happy little piggie covered in cow shit.

The end of a fruit-tastic era.

All. I. Can. Think. About. Is. Chomping. Some. Fruit. Oh. For. Eff’s. Sake. What. I. Would. Give. For. A. Big. Juicy. Fresh. Date.

(Dedicated to Corey B, Lover of All Dates)

The Fat Fighters Chronicles Part 21

My week is flashing before my eyes. You know what I see? Apples, grapes, bananas, mandarins, tubs and tubs of diet yoghurt, strawberries, fresh dates… an endless list of yummy fruits.

I gained 400g this week. Goddamn sugar. Now, I’ve got to try to ease myself out my fruit-munching addiction.

Goals this week:

1. Drink 2-3L water daily
2. Stick to 2 servings of fruit a day (ie: banana and apple, or banana, kiwi fruit and mandarin)
3. Stick to 1 x 200g serving of skim yoghurt a day
4. Go for 5 x 45-min power walks
5. Somehow survive my Old McDonald’s Farm (ie: weekend at Tozer’s aunt and uncle’s) weekend by saving all 21 points + 12 exercise bonus points for the weekend
6. Go to 2 x dance lessons

Ohh, it’s going to be a busy week.

Skippy the bush kangaroo AKA dinner

Yep, serving up some kanga for dinner. Kanga bangas in fact – the healthy gal’s answer to her much-loved Aussie snag.

Been craving sausages ever since I snuffed ’em out at the Lake to Lagoon fun run. Saying no to a free piggie-in-a-blanket after power walking 9.5km was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

Sorry, Skippy, a Fat Fighter’s gotta eat and get her banga kicks, too.

I’m dreaming of a slim Christmas…

Just like the ones I used to know… ha! Yeah, when I was effing 14 years old with a chest as flat as an eight-year-old boy. Hang on, nothing’s changed…

So as I lay me down for some sweet slumber in the wee hours this fine Saturday morning, I ended up dreaming about the one thing that has been plaguing my every thought – especially the last couple of days.

My dream:

Fast-forward to Tuesday, my inevitable meeting and weigh-in and possible fave day of the week (nothing like a good yarn with my beloved Fat Fighters regulars). I step on the scales, dreading the worst after munching my way through a delicious week (all true) only to discover I have lost 2.6kg in one week. Ha!

Then I was awoken by the sound of my hammered roommate and her friends stumbling in the door at 6am this morning and I learnt the sad news: it was only a dream.

Don’t let the bed bugs bite, kiddies. ‘Cos they do… HARD.

Compliment of the Day

“You’re very slender for a food lover,” says one charming, constantly-tempting-me-with-delicious-smells-and-sights-in-the-staff-kitchen magazine chef to one blushing, but not-so-secretly-loving-it missbooti.

Midnight munchies…

Fat Fighters membership: $14.95 a week
New size 10 dress: $34.95
Fat Fighters Crispys pack: $4.95
Hoeing into three pieces of toast smothered in mindblowingly delicious peanut butter and honey at 11pm after weigh-in: PRICELESS

PS: Totally amazing, totally worth it.
PPS: PB&H had not pressed itself against thy sweet mouth for five effing months. O’, the humanity!

The Fat Fighters Chronicles Part 20

Core and I are officially on like Donkey Kong. He helped me lose 500g this week, join two Fat Fighters groups (one challenge for October, and one 9-5 email group), exercise my booty off every day (either busting or strutting AKA dancing or walking) and generally not feel like a maniac point-counter. I survived three dining out experiences and hot diggity damn, I survived in style. I also stuck to all my goals… yes, I am truly amazing.

This week’s FF goals:

1. Drink more water, less soft drink (even though last week I had ZERO cans of diet soft drink).
2. Exercise every day that I don’t have dancing.
3. Do strengthening exercises in the mornings 3 x this week.

‘Til next week, suckers! Love you long time.