1. “I have a pimple on my face. It is a big, red and ugly. It is unattractive to others. I musn’t show my face in public. Therefore, I must avoid human contact at all costs. I must attend work otherwise will have no money, but recreational activities such as going to the gym will expose this fugly mountainous creation to the public. Hence, no gym this week.”
2. “I am busy at work, therefore don’t have much time to cook. Could potentially bing a potato in the microwave to accompany vegies and kanga, but has the potential of being too blah. Solution: KFC chips. Large. While walking home so it doesn’t seem like I’ve really had them.”
3. “Have been told I have exceptionally clean, white teeth (despite their many cosmetic flaws). Even praised on my wonderful flossing skills. Dentist taught me a fancy-pancy NEW way to floss. Have decided not to do it… scared I might start flossing out KFC Wicked Wings and Magnum pieces out from between my gums. I know they’re in there. They can stay there.”
4. “Had a block of chocolate today. By myself.”
5. “Sigh.”
6. “I am truly a human garbage disposal.”
